Saturday 3 October 2015

NEWSFLASH : REVEREND AND HIS WIFE RECEIVE FIVE YEAR BAN

Club members were shocked when they heard the news , and demanded to know what had happened and why. So Bigot Johnson in the spirit of openness and transparency placed on the noticeboard the full transcript of the so-called disciplinary hearing.

Reverend ( Rev) : Why have we been asked to attend this meeting ?
B-J : We the committee felt it right that you should be told ......face-to-face.....the committee's
decision...
Rev : Which is what ?
B-J : You and your wife are banned for 5 years
Rev : On what grounds ?
B-J : Gross misconduct
Rev : Why didn't we get a hearing ?
B-J : No point.....the case against you was a classic open and shut one....where the evidence against you was both overwhelming and compelling
Rev : Oh...but we still want to know what we did wrong ?
B-J : Well , let me ask you this question first..........do you regard cheating as a cardinal sin
Rev : Absolutely , members who cheat should be rooted out....and booted out.....never to return....and believe you me God would certainly back me up on this matter
B-J : I'm glad to hear it...
Rev : But my wife and I don't cheat.....on any level......so what were the allegations against us ?
B-J : Aiding and abetting the cheats.....which makes you equally as culpable
Rev : What !!
B-J : You see .....two weeks last Tuesday on board 18 you were heard......by several people on nearby tables... saying to your wife ...quote " you could have made all 13 tricks if you play for the drop of the queen and then squeeze West , who cannot hold onto both red suits ".  With such unauthorised information now in the public domain , the cheaters would be on alert to bid the grand slam "
Rev : Oh....I never realised my voice carried so much.....there was no intention on my part to assist those who would seek to profit from my disclosure
B-J : Oh yes....your pulpit preaching voice can reach every corner of the room....and aiding and abetting the bat-eared cheats in this club is kind of behaviour we the committee will not tolerate
Committee member : I'm sorry to point this out chairman....but board 18 was the Reverend's last board of the evening......so no other pair could benefit from what he said.......therefore with no crime of cheating possible on this board , there can be no case to establish the aiding and betting charge 
B-J : Shut up you .....keep your minority opinions to yourself......the decision to ban these two has been made....... and there's no going back.....so I declare this meeting at an end
Rev : Bigot .....your day of judgement will come
B-J :  Am I bothered.....do I look worried......NO....so on your bikes you two holy-than-thou buggers......and as for you..... you smart-arse dissenting scumbag .... your days in this club are well and truly numbered....



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