Friday 7 December 2012

LAW REPORT : R v. BIGOT-JOHNSON AND OTHERS 2012
(  All the committee members and officers of the Slaughter House BC were charged with offences under The Cruelty To Animals Act 1849. Not surprisingly, Bigot-Johnson as chairman of the club, took it upon himself to prepare and present their defense. Seen below is a short extract from the trial's transcript. ) 

Prosecutor ( P ) : Bigot, you and your cronies have been charged with cruelty towards a wild animal.....
B-J : What animal ?
P : An elephant to be precise.....a particularly large grey creature with tusks and a trunk.... which has for over 2 years occupied the committee room inside your club.......only to be ignored and wilfully neglected
B-J : Excuse me......no such elephant ever existed. Indeed, none of the committee members... nor I..... have ever seen this creature 
P : Exactly my point.....the fact you have all turned a blind eye to its presence proves beyond all reasonable doubt why this poor creature was left unfed, unwashed, and in a poor state of health.....and was it not for the sterling efforts of a few caring and concerned members.... this poor animal would have died
B- J : Listen, you feeble-minded fantasist.... there is no elephant.....there was no elephant.....all this bloody nonsense is just a figment of some rather over-active imaginations
P : I'm afraid not....... because the very same elephant is about to be brought into this court as damning evidence 
Judge : Bring it on.....
( The gallery gasps in disbelief as a massive bull elephant squeezes through the doors to take its place directly underneath the judge's bench ) 
P : Now can you see the elephant ?
B-J : No....I bloody well can't......
P : The prosecution's case is therefore proved....because you Bigot.....by failing to see this elephant here in court...... demonstrates quite clearly....... why the animal came to be cruelly neglected in the first place. Your stubborn refusal to acknowledge the existence of this monstrous beast suggests to me that you are completely insane.....
B-J : Look.....must I repeat myself....... there is no elephant here.....and anyone who claims otherwise.... is nothing more than a filthy, low-down, despicable liar
Judge : How dare you make such an accusation..... heavens above Bigot, you've now got yourself into another whole heap of trouble.....in fact, I have had enough of your ignorance, stupidity, refusal to accept reality, selective blindness and outright arrogance.....I'm going to hold you in contempt of court,  and add another £100,000 fine to the one already imposed upon you for criminal negligence
B-J : Bugger.......but can someone please tell me where this sodding elephant is standing?....... I just can't see it !.......... I just can't see it !

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