Thursday 5 January 2012

DR.JOHN'S MOST TROUBLED CLIENT ...........
Dr.J : Oh no ..it's you Bigot
B-J : 'Fraid so.....
Dr.J : So what's your problem this time ?
B-J : Well...I keep having nightmares... about the queen of spades. This dark lady .....this femme fatale......is a demon, who is clearly out to get me. You see..... whenever I get a really bad board, she is always to blame.
Dr J : Now now Bigot..........I think you are over exaggerating here.......it is only a card......just one of 4 harmless queens
B-J : No bloody way........for which ever hand she is in....she still manages to cast her evil spell over me. If I hold the wretched card, then the opponents always manage to throw me in with her for a spectacular end play....or should they set out to capture her, she always alerts them to her presence.  But should the opponents hold the queen and I have a two-way finesse, I'm never able to locate the evasive  bitch. And whenever I hold the Ace/King of spades,  she always manages to evade them both, thereby securing a trick for the enemy
Dr.J : In my opinion Bigot..... you are a victim of an acute persecution complex.... or a frightening form of paranoia
B-J : Listen you overcharging quack.....allow me to explain my plight.....for this damn card has become a curse......one which is responsible for me never being able to win an event....and that even goes for a friday night duplicate against complete rabbits down at the Walnut Tree. So allow me to give you an example ( from this hand below ) ...on the lead of the jack of clubs ( covered all round ) , I set about making 4S. I could see that if the King of hearts was right, then pairs who had bid 6S were going to make at least 12 easy tricks. But if the king was wrong I still needed to try and beat all those who would be bidding and making 4S plus one. So I delayed taking out trumps by leading the jack of hearts at trick 2, expecting the woodentop East to continue with clubs if he took the trick. However, when this smart arse won with the king.... back came the heart 8. This was ruffed low by West who smartly switched to a diamond. In with the Ace, East pushed back another heart, which I was forced to ruff with the King of spades. I immediately tackled trumps, but  when West played the 8 of spades...........I was convinced he held the queen as well ......and so I finessed.....losing to that stiff bitch-of-card ........... which of course was lurking in East's hand after all..... giving me another horrendous bottom !
Dr.J : I see where you're coming from now...
B-J : But there's so many other horror stories I could tell you about........
Dr. J : Just how many more ?
B-J : Thousands.....where I've been TURNED OVER, SCREWED, SPIKED, SHAFTED, NAILED, AND CRUCIFIED by that mean sadistic Black Maria
Dr.J : So... I'll book you in then for a few more sessions ?
B-J : Yes......yes.....
Dr.J : But we could be taking about  £2000's worth of therapy...
B-J : Bugger me....you're both as bad as each other

( Hand was
North :  AJ10....AQ109x.... QJ.......Qxx
South : K97xxxx ....Jx.......Kxx.......A
East :   Q..........K8xxx....... Axx.......Kxxx
West :  8x............ x...........xxxxx...J109xx )



No comments: