THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY...............................

• Partner : a player you once thought was on your side
• Rag : a flimsy bit of cloth you should never waft under the noses of bullish opponents, especially if it's red
• The Blue Club : a rather seedy dive in the red light district of Sheffield, where trick-seeking bridge players often visit late at night
• Sponsor : a rich person who hires top class players as partners, in order to gain a jump on others in scaling up the masterpoint rankings ladder
• x : a symbol which marks the spot on a map, where you recently finished off and buried your last partner
• Field : the ideal place in which to bury the bodies of ex-partners
• 10 to 3 : the exact time you can always guarantee that some bird-brained, late arrivals will turn up to the tournament, which was scheduled to start at 2
• Intro : a musical fanfare that strikes up the moment a celebrity player enters the bridge arena
• Moving seat : a item of furniture which travels through the air at speed, following the conclusion of a rather bitter and acrimonious argument