Tuesday 11 August 2009

LAW REPORT: R v. PUN (AUGUST 2009) ................................... ( This ground breaking test case set a new lankmark with regards to establishing the boundaries of acceptable language on bridge-based blogs. Not since the obscenity trials, involving the publications of Lady chatterley's Lover and Oz, has the judiciary been put firmly in the spotlight to impose a prison sentences on such a merchant of smut ........not to mention an indefinite ban on any more outrageous blog material . The trial had been expected to last for several weeks, but as you can see from the transcript below it was over in a matter of minutes.)
  • Prosecutor:" We put it to you Pun that your entries to the Bizarrebridgeworld blog have been so contaminated ....or should I say blighted.............by your appalling and lewd double entendres, that many readers have written in countless letters of complaint to Google.....and the police. Moreover, it seems that you constantly go out of your way to think up book titles...and names......which clearly have unsavoury sexual connotations."
  • Pun: " Might I point out that much of my humour draws upon words taken from the bridge vocabulary and names from the local telephone directory, which as a blog writer I'm entitled to use. Am I forbidden to use people's names.......or words like pair, queen, vulnerable, game, bottom, entry, fit, squeeze, raise, jump, trick? It's not my mind that is the problem...it's the minds of all those out there on the internet, who amazingly extract from quite harmless double entendres bucket loads of filth."
  • Prosecutor: "But the truth remains that you have on occasions deliberately devised and employed dozens of crude double entendres to titillate your readers."
  • Pun: "Yes.....but might I point out that if I used used the word tit....illate...some of my critics would have been up in arms!"
  • "I do see your point......but the real offensive stuff comes out with character names such as... Norma Stitz......a vile name by any recognised standard of decency."
  • Pun: " Hard on me as it is, but I must inform you that the maiden name of the learned judge presiding over this case, Baroness Gloria Leveridge......also happens to be Stitz...."
  • Prosecutor: "Ooops...."
  • Pun: " And what's more is....what do you make of your own name...Edward "Ted" Stickles?"
  • Prosecutor: "Oh my God.....I see your point.......these damnable double entendres are everywhere.....I wish the case would come to an end."
  • Judge: "It has.......so jury members, you are all dismissed......there is no case to answer. The trial is at an end.........the prosecution's wish has been granted."
  • Pun: "Thanks your honour......do you fancy a quick one across the road at the Jolly Roger."
  • Judge: " Indeed, I do......you little rascal you."

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